Am stellar, efficient mom. Take excellent care of my charges. Spend money at important online stores to improve efficiency of morning routines and similar. Am smug.

EO Hand Soap, Refill Size, French Lavender, 32 oz

• Made with unique combinations of pure essential oils and nourishing herbal blends to effectively cleanse without drying your hands.
• Our Coconut Cleansing Complex creates the gentlest, most effective and richly foaming soaps available. We do not use irritating sodium lauryl or laureth sulfates or parabens
• Our Organic Herbal Blend is soothing and healing
• Naturally antiseptic
• Balancing & Refreshing

I put motion-activated soap dispensers in the bathrooms so that my little angels can just wave their hands daintily for a dollop of lemon and eucalyptus-scented, antibacterial, anti-microbial soap instead of wiping their grubby mitts all over the sink, nozzle, walls, towels, me, etc. on the way to getting partially clean. There is even a dial in the back to control the flow so that you get just the right amount to wash tiny hands instead of, say, a quarter-cup that will be partially rinsed and then slathered on surfaces for the next thirty minutes.

Bonus: it gently whirs to let them know exactly how long to hold their hands there to avoid the long string across the sink.

Sensor Dispenser - Soap Dispenser

• Built-in motion detector triggers soap dispenser
• Adjustable soap dispensing amount
• Can be used for dish soap

You wash your hands to get rid of germs and bacteria, so why risk touching a soap dispenser that sits out all day being touched by dirty hands? The Sensor Dispenser is an ultra-sanitary soap dispenser that has a built-in motion detector to sense when your hands are in front of it. Just brush your hand across the motion sensor, and the Sensor Dispenser will provide you with liquid soap to get your hands squeaky clean. The Sensor Dispenser is powered by three AAA batteries (sold separately).

This morning, we managed to turn a thirty-minute late into a one-minute scrape-by, with me giving permission to skip rigorous tooth-brushing and just get in the damn car.

“Daphne! That’s good! You can stop now, that’s great, we have to go, just spit it out and come to the car!”

She bent toward the sink, spit, and… whirrrrrr.

Oh God, no. Please, no.

“What?”

Soap all over her head. I figure if she just pats her head and rubs her tummy she’ll be good to go. My nine year old? His hygienic practices seem to have peaked sometime last May and have been plummeting since. It’s even worse than I feared.

“Cool—Mom! Can I try on your mouth guard?”

“No!”

“Why not? I use your toothbrush every morning.”